Being yourself is so much easier than you might think.
And being yourself is so much harder than it seems!
I’ve spent years not being myself.
Dressing up for job interviews when I knew it was going to kill me to keep up that level of grooming for the years I would work there.
Turning over a new leaf to wear more makeup and keep my hair fancily styled and groomed and then chucking it in after 4 weeks or so because it was just too much bloody effort! I had 4 small kids – how was I supposed to work, run the house, not lose any kids in the frenzy and still look like a supermodel. Something had to give and it was usually the supermodel part. I was happy to be super mum and keep all my plates spinning – I just had to do it without eyeliner and high-heeled shoes!
I’ve always been fairly outgoing and many people who know me who read this will wonder at me saying I was never quite being myself.
Although maybe not if they’ve spent any time with me since I started letting it all hang out! These days they know I’ve embraced the whole ‘being yourself is the key’ thing!
I’ve always been pretty outrageous and said a lot of stuff that I thought. But that was me with my filter on. Now without a filter I’m even more outrageous than I ever was!
I’ve tried over the years to start businesses that never quite continued on. I’m really great at starting stuff and until the last two years didn’t really have the skills to finish. Unless you were paying me – as an employee I was wildly detail-oriented and met every single deadline. Once I was working for myself – not so much!
Even when I joined a direct selling or network marketing business I was still under pressure to not be myself. Not in so many words but all the training was very much along the lines of being vanilla!
Be quieter, don’t laugh so loud, wear business attire (even though it’s 40 degrees outside!), don’t wear bright colours, remember to keep your shoes on at ALL TIMES!
You’ll attract more people if you’re sensible they said. You’ll keep people in contact with you longer if you are more middle-of-the-road.
Big surprise why I never fully succeeded eh? I was great for a while but I eventually couldn’t keep it up anymore.
I wanted to wear fluorescent yellow shirts!
I wanted to laugh loudly when something was hilarious!
I wanted to kick my shoes off under my desk or at an 8-hour seminar!
I wanted to hang out with people who had my warped sense of humour – I didn’t want the vanilla people to be attracted to me long term!
I wanted to just be myself – even if I didn’t fully realize it and tried really hard to conform.
I would get to a certain point in the whole merry-go-round and then the real Tracey would step forward and say “Oh Fuck Off!”
Why can’t I use a pen with a feather on top?
Why do I have to be trussed up in a business suit that cost $300 when I’m speaking to people in their lounge room or backyard?
Why do I have to take second place to my husband when I’ve done all the work? Why am I even dragging the poor bastard along in his equally expensive suit on his one day off, when he just wants to go fishing?
I wanted to be myself!
I wanted to tell the truth!
I wanted recognition for my good work and I wanted it on my terms!
I wanted to know DEEP INSIDE that I was valued for me!
I wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh about stuff, even if it was irreverent or taboo. Even if people thought that’s not how a good girl should behave.
I’m not vanilla.
I never have been – for all my attempts!
I suspect that trying to be someone else only leads to bad things happening. I have first hand knowledge of this of course!
I once put baking soda in a complete wanker’s cup of coffee. After I’d been ordered to produce said coffee by his pretentious self, I was gazing out the window and thinking mutinous thoughts as I stirred the cup. As I was about to leave the kitchen, my eyes fell on the window ledge. Where a box of baking soda sat. The real Tracey suddenly stepped forward and stirred a spoonful into the coffee and to my absolute joy it dissolved! I was so gleeful as I delivered it to his royal highness. When he didn’t even look at me or thank me I knew I’d made the right decision.
To this day I wonder whether there were any after effects on the airplane home!
As you can see, trying to be something you’re not is never a good idea.
Being yourself is the key to everything good!
To prove my point I just bought a fluro yellow shirt yesterday and I’m SO wearing it today!
So get out there ladies and start being yourself I say!
Has anyone else done something naughty that they are sure was a direct result of trying to hide their true self? I’d love to hear about it in the comments – you can be anonymous if you want! Don’t be shy – share all the outrageous stuff – you’re amongst crazy friends!